President Elect Barack Obama...

I was registered for voting at the age of 18 in my home country, India. Back then i was never serious about the right to vote. My disliking politics was to the extent of not voting...who cares who is gona be your next authority...they all are the same anyways. Irrespective of my mindset that the elected person has nothing to do with the word IMPROVE, the right to vote is a prime requisite for a citizen of that particular country. I have started experiencing and believing it more...after all, i am counted amongst the minorities now and cant vote for any good reason.

I never portrayed myself following politics. I hateeee politics; however, Elections-2008 was a huge deal, for both, me & Obama ;). Moreover, i was into it since the primaries started heating up.The battle between Clinton and Obama was at its peak....thats when i realized....i like Obama better. Not that i knew anything about him and his work...but i liked the way he was campaigning. I felt some percentage of honesty and clarity when he spoke out his plans and policies. On the other hand, Clinton's fake smile and her non-promising objectives were absolutely shaky & annoying or may be... i just had a little crush on Obama ;). Oh ya! he is one super handsome fellow...tall, dark, handsome :). Jokes apart...coz DARK is not a very casual term or part of a phrase in his case...it can be profoundly stated as BLACK or subtly uttered as African American to be on the safer side, no offense anyways.

Eventually, Maccain-Obama times were more fun to me. From the very beginning i was not too serious about it but as it reached the vice-president choosing stage...oh ya!i was so not with Maccain, i soooo didn't like Palin! I had a feeling that this lady knows politics as much as i do and i wont definitely go and stand for a vice presidential post. Holy moly...that self conscious s*** lady-politician should have come out of Alaska first to be a potential US vice-president. I was amazed to see her debating abilities and i thought that she was literally making an assault on the history of politics, not verbally, just that the technicality was nowhere existing. She was taught to speak what she spoke in the debates and not being able to give the relevent remarks, she was taking both, Joe Biden and the debate moderator, back to the question bank/answer bank she had learnt. It all sounded very similar to the standard 10th "Most Likely" question paper series to me. Alas! (not Alaska ;)) unfortunately the syllabus was changed this year and the vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin failed ( i am happy for her and in turn US citizens too). This was the time when i felt that Maccain is not affordable and i wished i could have put my 2 cents into it by voting for Obama :(

On the very day...The day of unwrapping the count of votes...the facebook status updates were in Barack's favor, my labmates, both, a white & a black guy voted for Obama, many of the minority friends were supporting obama-policies, counting was going at its full speed...looked like Maccain was not gona make it...i was sighing! The black community through the entire US was blushing...i just thought, we were getting there...and at 11 pm or so, ABC/CNN/Fox, all the news channels had one thing to say..."Barack Obama is the president elect with 270+ electoral votes....AHhhhhhhhhhh!

I enjoyed the moment...just one regret...my 2 cents.... :((

Lina :)

Are you aware of many such people who are real good at heart...people who wouldn't ever think of hurting someone for any damn reason? One of this rare species is my friend/labmate, LINA. She is quiet a composition...a perfect combo of beauty and brains, sweet, cute, nutty, smart, transparent Columbian female...whose full name runs a line long before stopping..."Lina Paola Herrera Estrada"....yup...thats a real name :). She has a people pleasing disorder, to be short, she is very much engaged in PPD. Yes, she goes out of her way to bake a cake for every single occasion....may it be a birthday, a baby shower, a wedding....doesn't matter. She needs a reason and a new awesome cake is ready each time. Her partners in crime are Leigh hudson (my other cutie labmate) and none other than myself...

So, a few words dedicated to this pink lover, cake baker and a sweetu friend :)

Mona, Rina, Sona, Tina....
Coming from the same genre,
What's so special about Lina?

"Sweet" is a Lina-word,
"Cute" is Lina's sword.

Inside out being a nurd,
She manages being preferred!

Organization is her key,
Study-time....no see.

Unlimited gossip, no fee,
All-time partners, Shalmaleigh :)

Someone whose dress is pink,
For whom, blue comes later...
Pink is the primary ink,
Lina@pink is her website link,
Hello-kitty girl she is, blink blink!

Usually,
"Two" makes friends,
"Three" is a crowd...
But, Leigh, Lina and I
Can say it loud,
We are buddies,
In search of fun,
Only smiles matter,
A million, a ton :))

Hope you like it girl!

Sight...

Ya right...sight is what i miss today. I was proud to have a perfect sight after 3 major eye surgeries done on my tini tiny Chinese looking eyes. They were still smaller at the time of my birth than they are now. Doctors tried their bit to open them to the fullest. I have had a bit of encounters with my friends on this point...they use to tease me...i felt embarrassed at times. It was all taken in a wrong way till a point when one person gave me a knew vision and a new way to look at the topic. Somebody had said, i like your "Eyes"...they seem dreamy to me...awaiting...promising...and that was the day when my inferiority complex went way far then i would have ever thought. I started believing in the tini minies and now that i had Mandy to date with, surprisingly he said the same thing...i like your "Eyes"...oh!!!!! So now, i was in the attitude mode...you like my eyes, good for you, you don't....who cares :)

But but but....once again, i am shattered...the proud feeling is smashed off...why???
what do you mean why....my eyes need those idiotic pair of glasses now :(
Ya...why did i even go to that stupid FREE vision screening...Indians have a bad habbit...look at the word FREE and we will be right there...uff! The good looking young dashing doctor said...."your right eye is getting worse...you cant see 20/20"
Hell with you and your all time Ophthalmology. I was mad and i started rubbing my eyes so hard that it felt like the retina might detach at some point ;). I was cursing this beautiful young lady in my mind and i certainly asked "Mam, can we do a double check?". That was extremely foolish of me to ask such a question. Her mischievous smile was maliciously annoying, however, she agreed. I was struggling to see the blurry line, i pushed myself to look at the smallest letters on the board. I was frenzied by the maniacal insane manufacturer of that ambiguous board and its letters. The doctor was done with me and she asked me to skip to the next step and i thought ALAS! Its not the white board or the manufacturer...its your ambiguous vision dammit. You need SPECS.... :(( oh!

I returned to the lab and told my buddy about all that happened and he said "you are getting old"... :(. Mean people...but again, i am over it and have a smart pair of glasses now and it feels good to see the letters clearly again.

Hellen Keller quotes, "The most pathetic person in this world is someone who has a sight but has no vision" and vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others....So...i am safe!

"Within"

Detachment is a good way of survival. Attachment binds you in feelings, memories, tears and bonds. Last night was a sleepless one out of the few. Yes...sleepless night is not my issue, i sleep tight in good and bad :)...so, i was all happy in my cozy bed, ready to close my eyes with content.

I suddenly see myself in a mirror...trying to wipe my hair with a white towel after a long shower. This is the story with my eyes open and blinking, observing the movement of the ceiling fan in the dim-dark light of the night lamp. I was watching the fan moving and was striving to match my eyeballs with the rotating motion of the blades. For some reason,i was distracted...my concentration was messing up with the flashing image of that mirror,the visible rusty spot at the right bottom corner of that mirror, my long wet hair, that typical white towel with maroon stripes on it and my mom asking me to come for the Sunday morning breakfast. The entire flash was a tableau of all my Sunday mornings at home with my parents, sister and grandparents.I made an effort to come out of the picturesque sense of my emotions and get back to the rotation. Nonetheless...the effort was in vain.

Here is a truthful saying in my native language, Marathi. "Lahaanpan dega deva"....
The three words signify and focus on the time of your life, "childhood". Its a golden time without the worries of income, budgets, jobs, earnings and much much more. I wish i can get back to that stage with my parents, enter back in their rules and regulation's world and take off the responsibilities off my shoulder.

Technically, i have my own house..now...with full authority where i reside on my terms, my rules and my comfort. I have all the luxuries, a contemporary furniture...like the one i always dreamed for, a colorful living....like i always wanted, a magical bedroom...like anyone would love it to be, a small front yard....with bunch of flowers, a minimal backyard.....to see the beautiful sunset with a cup of tea, my own car in the parking space and a official caretaker...just for ME. Doesn't it sound like a dream come true? why not? However, the connubial bliss is not enough to call it a HOME. Its the years you have spent without any power, authority, judging, ordering or anything of this sort, with your nuclear family...the place to reside there with them is what i call HOME.

Many such things kept flashing during all these flying thoughts...being physically apart, i had a bitter feeling of getting unofficially evicted from my own house. No longer am i the core part of that nuclear family of four? Am i still intrinsically "Within" as the very essence of that core???

Symmetry...

I came home after a long day. Rain was pouring in its own rhythm and my nostalgia took me long back in the sweet longings of my mom's "Bhaji's" in the rainy season...thats what are called "Pakora's" in Hindi. Also, that is what the Indian restaurants in US describe as the popular Indian cuisine in which onions/potatoes are dipped in a batter of gram flour and deep-fried. Yes, it is a yummy Indian snack ate with sipping of chai (Indian tea) at times when days are blessed with rains.
So...here it goes...i took a big knife and started cutting the red onions. I cut the onion into 2 halves ....WOW! Interior of this half onion was amazingly beautiful...lol...yes, what else can i do but laugh? Isn't "beautiful onion" a mere rhetoric???...but the adjective is not pretentious or exaggerated...its my sincere thought at a glance. Since i was a kid, i always had this endearing attitude towards symmetry. I am quickly attracted and connected to symmetry in anything, anywhere, everything and everywhere. I think symmetry ties together various aspects... proportionality, balance, perfection and ultimately a beautiful pattern....and that is the reason i was always fond of free-hand drawing. It served a challenge for the center line to be a mirror and for the two halves to be its mirror images...and that too without an ounce of error. The onion reminded me nothing but the free-hand drawing in my elementary class. Yes...Symmetry it is :)

P.E.R.F.E.C.T

Its an unusual Friday night.
Mandar is with his friends and i am in my lab...working on my thesis write up!
The mood swing says...WORK TODAY :)

I was trying to build up some discussion on the Flexural(bending) tests that i had performed on my specimens. Some idiotic result caught me and i was thinking about the trend in the plot. Alas! it was one calculation that went wrong and all the trends just flipped in a moment. Well, that was known a long time after referring to google, yahoo...bla bla bla! Within the process i went ahead and referred a book by Dr. K K. Chawla on mechanical behaviour of materials. I was aiming to browse through the index page and what i see here is a thought...before the index even started...i mean on the previous page where authors usually dedicate there book to someone!

It says,
"We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the secret sits in the middle and knows..."

Those are bunch of true and amazingly real words and i want to insist that the lines are PERFECT...it can be stated that logically they don't have any varying degrees like most, almost, rather, nearly etc...they are "Absolute"!
It is one chance and it walks down to one in a bunch of millions...and that ONE PERSON understands and truly absorbs the meaning of the above lines...something like this...

The secret is in the "MIDDLE" of the ring,
He doesn't have to "SUPPOSE" anything!

He never ASSUMES it to be pragmatic,
He knows the difference between real and dramatic!

Proudly being, at the center of the ring,
World is the diameter, he is the king!

"HE"= Absolute and a complete package
My O Dear,
Its hard to find a defect,
Because he is PERFECT!

Ya right! He doesn't have to intrude in anybody's affairs to solve his queries and get the answers. He knows how to work it out without being meddlesome...isn't it?
I wish i had understood the secret and gotten a chance to push myself into middle of the ring and get the honor of being ABSOLUTELY PERFECT:))...if not anything else, it would have atleast helped me solving the queries related to the wrong calculations and pushed me towards the better understanding of the weird trends in my results ;)

Unfathomable version of my coded frustration....

The rainy spells this week are giving me the blues. May be not...life is full of blues and the rains are just contributing to it! Who cares...its a perfect time to put a new post :)

Here is something i want to add to my frustrating blog. Its a relative comparison between two families...i don't want to unwrap the subject and tell everybody what this comparison refers to directly. Only thing i can mention is that, these two families are the unending, inseparable, perpetual and everlasting parts of my life. I am hurt a little bit...to be honest...i am hurt a lot...and the abyss of time is not healing my hurt soul this time...and that is what has led to these unfathomable words below!

They are four and they face each other,
We are four and our backs face each other!

They don't care if whole worlds a mess,
We care, care, care,and our worlds a mess!

Nothing departs them...they are "A Square",
We stand at 4 corners...we protect "The Square"!

They are always inside the circle,
We always watch the boundary!

They are cool when they are within "them",
We breath hot fumes when we are amongst "us"!

They are honest to each other....we are too,
But...the styles are different!
They love each other...we do too,
But...the ways are variant!

Sometimes
It hurts,
But still
It works,

It is the good old version of life,
Where "Change" is not critical... but impossible!

Deal with it and be "A Part",
This attitude will never set you "Apart",
They and Us are not the same,
Thats your life, so, nothing to blame,
Play it calm and its your game!

I hope its not tooooo absurd and irrelevant for the readers...since it is related to my personal life, i couldn't loosen the thread right away! So, the frustration is a little bit coded this time. Try to decode your version and give comments :)

Coffee and starbucks...Means of my survival

STARBUCKS is a survival ...yes surely it is!
What else do you need while writing a thesis and striking your head over couple of nonsense graphs....to be technical about it, absurd or fatuous pictorial device such as a pie chart or a bar graph, used to illustrate quantitative relationships...who in this world would live without a cup of coffee to bring relief from the effects of tension and anxiety. A transient storm of lightning and thunder with rains and gusty winds incorporate and bless these tense and stressful situations which allows me to ask myself for a reason to have one more cup of coffee.

I know this line from somewhere "Its not the coffee...its whom you drink with"

Ya...right...i love this line too but its not always true. Romance should be in the air to lean in fanciful daydreams associated with the coffee and then it matters with whom you drink it. The time when you write an 80 page document and still dont have any clue what you are at...thats when you tend to drink the coffee alone....by yourself...under frustrating thoughts...to overcome your headache and freshen up yourself for the next frustrating moment coming in....get ready for the war again... :)

What amazes me is the act of drinking coffee at different times....Be it in a state of mental agitation or disturbance that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort, often accompanied by physiological changes or be it a breakfast mood on the way to your office, it might be as well perfect on a date and many more such instances. Coffee belongs to or is a characteristic of romanticism, emotions, frustrations, depressions, love and feelings.

And what would it cost to drink a coffee with a starbucks flavor added...that too Cafe Mocha...ahh!Mocha is a type of 'chocolatey' coffee bean (from Mocha in Yemen)...Unlike cappuccino, cafe mochas do not contain the well known milk froth on top. It usually has whipped cream and a dusting of either cinnamon or cocoa powder....wow...i love it...moreover my mood swings love it...they are on track after a sip...good to go for the next fight buddy!

I am heading out to Starbucks now...

Life is Short!

I am uneasy since yesterday night. We saw this movie, "P.S. I Love You" and i was totally sunk in my own tears. I didn't enjoy the movie coz i was crying all the way through it.

"PS, I Love You" is Irish writer Cecelia Ahern's first novel, published in 2004 adapted by the film in 2007, "PS, I love you".Holly (Hillary Swank) has been married at the age of 19 to a handsome named Gerry (Gerard Butler), an Irish gentleman. He is the only love of her life and they have big plans for the future. However, Gerry is stricken with tumor and he dies, leaving Holly desolate. Much to her surprise, letters start arriving from Gerry, under unusual circumstances, letters that provide encouragement for Holly to move forward with her life. Gerry suggests Holly to do some karaoke and take a vacation to Ireland, where she visits his relatives. Holly truly overcomes the serious blow that life has given her and survives through these letters and finds her lost self...one year later to Gerry's death, she tells her friend, "I dont feel Gerry around me anymore, i think he is really gone"...oh gosh! this struck me so bad...time is always a solution. Human being is so strong. It doesnt take much out of you to recover and lead your own life. At the very beginning, people sympathize, as time passes by, they are tired of your healing wound....they just want it to be healed ASAP. The instances at which holy imagines his presence, feels his touch and tries to hear him by calling his cell phone and listening to the answering machine....oh god!it just killed me. At the age of 30, this women had to be apart from her good looking, handsome and caring hubby and live by herself rest of the life....deciding not to fall in love again, trying to be away from the sexual drive she often had to fight against and live a widow's life which is good for nothing. On the other hand, not to blame and curse the feelings if they go wild for another man since she is a human being after all and live in the guilt that poor Gerry...who was honest to me till the solid end of his life and i am piece of a shit who cannot be a good enough loyal person...

God!I was so upset and uneasy throughout the movie and was holding my hubby tight in my arms with all the possible insecurity gathered in my breath...after all it rolls down to you and your relationship and the delicate moments of life that you waste in the fights, rage and egos. Every moment is precious...whatever it takes to be with your man holding him tight, co-ordinating with his heart beats and LIVING the moment...coz life is short people :(

"TODAY" was different...

Today was different...it was not a Friday. Yes..friday's are special for me. I leave from school and ride up all the way home as if i am a free bird. I do not follow the the usual routine,i dress in gaudy colors and make sure that people notice the friday mood and swing in the air. The moment i take off towards my car in the parking lot, i feel....aahhhh :) So, pretty much i can do all the inane things on a friday eve :)...thats my exception to me being a fairly discplined women.Today was something different though. I was leaning towards being inane without a FRIDAY.

I never heard the weather forecast throughout the day or the day before...that is strange for sure...coz i usually track the weather and plan accordingly. Why get caught in a thunderstorm and then blame meteorologist Stephanie Walker on 102.5... :)...(she is the one who judges and gives the weather forecast...i suppose she works for NBC 13). Anyways, back on track..

So, the weather was full of gloomy skies...a perfect melancholy mood...very much suitable to spend a little time on the boredom blues...to be undoubtedly despondent about your life...and a well defined time to promote your depressive spirits.
Ahh! but it never happened so. This weather turned me on...i was actually happy about the pleasing dark shade of the gloomy sky. I was about to get on the Inter-State-65-South which runs all the way to my house from my school, and what i saw coming across was this black dude in his car...fulto funky. He had a ramshackle car which seemed like a literary archaic piece...the blatant radio and his vociferous music would have usually annoyed me to death but guess what...i was agreeable and enjoyable to whatever he was doing and listening :) And here i proceeded with the radio in my car which was NOT blatant and emitted some form of a soothing country tune and i was blushing for no reason.I quickly went ahead and turned on the CD as i felt the urge to feel the rhythm in Indic vernacular and i started listening to hindi songs. To go well with the atmosphere, here started the song from a Farhan Akhtar film "Dil Chahta Hai". Just to eleviate the mood with the mellifluous voice of srinivas for "Kaisi hai ye rut ki jisme", i started tapping the steering wheel and accompanying the artists with the instruments...though i suck at it...i never stopped :)

The traffic was not a problem today...no anger, no depressing moods, no honking, no speeding...everything was perfect. I made my way home with all the possible positive spirits one can have. I took the exit and drove down the fantastic road called "Old Montgomery Highway" which is full of greenery. The road has ups and downs, ramps which takes you through a wonderful green shot at different heights. By the time i took this road, rains had approached my way and the journey was even more beautiful in its company. I reached home and got out of the car with the overwhelming memory of the same usual road in a different way TODAY....

Kolhapurchi mahalaxmi....

This is such a live photograph...Isnt it?
At first glance i had a feeling of being in kolhapur infront of the Mahalaxmi who is often called as Ambabai...

Ambecha udo
Ambabai cha udo majhya...

MULTILINGUAL MULTISCRIPT PLANT NAME DATABASE...

You know what...i found this sight today which lists the MULTILINGUAL MULTISCRIPT PLANT NAME DATABASE...and since my name refers to one of the plant species called as Bombax ceiba L...i found it interesting...Here you go!

Marathi: Saanvari, Saura.

ASSAMESE : Himila, Himolu.

BENGALI : Katseori, Roktosimul.

BURMESE : Didu, Lepanbin, Letpan.

CHINESE : 木棉 Mu mian (as B. malabaricum).

DUTCH : Simalboom, Randoe alas (as G. heptaphylla), Zijdekapokboom .

ENGLISH : Indian cottonwood, Indian kapok, Kapok tree, Red cottontree, Red-flowered silk-cotton tree, Red silk-cotton, Red silk-cotton tree, Shaving brush, Silk cottontree, Simal tree.

FRENCH : Arbre bombax, Fromager.

GERMAN : Indischer Seidenwollbaum, Semul, Roter Seidenwollbaum.

GREEK : Βόμβαξ ο μαλαβαρικός Vomvax malavarikos.

HINDI : Kaantisenbal, Kantisembal, Rakat senbal, Semal, Semar kanda, Semul, Semur, Shembal, Shimbal, Simal, Simul

KHMER : Roka.

NEPALESE : Simal.

PORTUGUESE : Algodoeiro do mato, Bómbax, Bonga, Borracha, Borracho, Cartageno, Ceiba, Imbiruçu, Kapok, Paineira da India, Panha, Panheira, Sumaúma.

SPANISH : Arbol capoc, Arbol kapok.

SANSKRIT : Shaalmali, Shalmali.

TAGALOG : Buboi gubat, Malabulak, Taglinau.

TAMIL : இலவு Ilavu, பூலா Puulaa, முள்ளிலவு Mullilavu.

THAI : งิ้ว Ngio, งิ้วบ้าน Ngio ban, งิ้วแดง Ngio daeng, งิ้วปง Ngio pong, งิ้วปงแดง Ngio pong daeng, งิ้วหนาม .

VISAYAN : Salay, Talutu.

ANU...

ANU...my best friend...
18th june...its her birthday today!
I wish i was there to celebrate it with lots and lots of flowers, her favorite cake, lots of chocolates and with her idea of celebration. To be honest, i never got a chance to do so...her birthday was always our vacation time and she use to be back home,in Jammu. The craving to celebrate her birthday in my style was usually left half way through and i ended up giving her a call from miles away to wish a warm birthday. Its no change this time...i will give her the same warm birthday call and thats it!

I was thinking about all this and it suddenly clicked me...why not a blog? why not a new post for her? I am sure she will love it if i write something for HER.

So...this is dedicated to my bestest, nearest and dearest friend...ANU.
It was a time...when these three letters came into my life and everything changed. Friendship was a nightmare with some of the so called friends back then. ANU was the person who completed the real meaning of friend with her presence. We were far apart for a year, just a hi and a bye ...and thats it. Circumstances permitted and we got closer and there after fun seemed to have no full stop. How many adjectives can i use to express our times...pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction and muchhhhhhh more.A logical or natural association between two persons, in other sense the relevance of one to another; thats what i call : CONNECTION! The connection was great...the chemistry was awesome...not a single moment that i remember was out of place. Life was solely a mess with engineering, our engg. college and conservative mentalities studying there but everything was in place when it came to US. The bond never failed to understand each other in tedious times...we went through a lot but came out of it very soothingly through our relation which was as thick as it could be...thick to the power of infinity in mathematical terms :)
I had to come here...in the U.S...miles went on increasing the physical distance between us but it never felt so....i never ever had a dream of a thought that we were apart. One soul, one mind, two bodies sharing a whole lot of common's in between, thats what me and ANU stand upto...
I wish her every possible happiness throughout her life and may God do the favor of giving her everything that she wants...and you know ANU, what i am talking about :)

Love you and Miss you...
Happy Birthday!
Have lots of fun!

THE DAY....

Writing is my best form of expression and that is the reason i am doing it right now. I need to sort out my delicate feeling which is hurt. I have always claimed my self through my poems, written thoughts, letters, essays...some or the other form of writing.
There is one hidden thought behind all this. I always dreamed of somebody writing something for me. I have seen people satisfy themselves when they get something in a written form especially for them. It feels good when you see a group of words newly born ...just for you, your presence in this world is the reason for there birth...is something impressive. So, the core is.... i wanted a poet around me. I always thought of a person who would have noticed my each move, my smile, my particular style of moving, my extra activities while talking and have composed a poem with a gist of all this. The unique composition of words with an essence of his artistically characterized form and rhythm would have expressed an intensely imaginative interpretation of...ME!
That is one amazing thought and one amazing feeling i always felt the hunger for.
Rationalizing this thought, not many people can write. Not a whole bunch can do a literary composition with an intensity or beauty of language more characteristic of a poetry than of a prose. Same is the case with my husband. He is world's best buddy, partner in crime, lovely friend, excellent support but...not a poet. Oh!how do i accept this now? Its so hard...this was the one thing i kept on looking for and that is the one missing :( I dont have to make an issue with this...God gave me a person ALMOST close to a one hundred and that ALMOST accounts for not being a poet. I should not bring this up...i feel guilty sometimes...he does all those 99 things and you blame it on the one that is lacking. But its me and my self who understands the precious value of that one expression.
I wish someday he will feel the same hunger and some miracle will inspire him to write a poem and interpret me through words....oh!that will be THE DAY!

Pronunciations...

Oh gosh!i am really tired...it was a longgggg day! I should have slept by now but this question is bugging me and i couldn't really sleep.
How much do "Pronunciations" matter in a person's life? Something came up today and i suddenly recalled a bigggg argument between 2 stubborn human beings...i dont definitely remember the exact identities though....Yes..these guys had a huge fight. It started with the word proNUNciation which is usually misunderstood and mis-pronounced as proNOUNciation. The two brilliant faces never came to a conclusion on this topic but i always found proNUNtiation to be more accurate. It was just as a matter of opinion....not a very strong belief or a highly charged argument. The reason i want to clarify this is, few personalities are very conscious with the way they pronounce words and rather more sensitive about how others do the same. Few know the exact origin and the dictionary explanation with additional grammatical details and the most others judge people through there own style of pronouncing. I personally dont have a right to declare them as the wrong ones...however, i could neither be specific about them being right.
I see it in this way...A phonetic transcription of a given word is obviously customized but the manner in which one can actually utter a word could be different. It is according to his or her understanding more than anything else like a customized agreement. Words can be understood to your knowledge inspite of the standard correction or acceptability.
Is this more of a schooling influence, environmental effect and the surrounding phenomenon rather than a simple individual understanding? May be...my teacher said that and i have been following her for years....thats it! She made the actual wrong impression and you never ever gave it a thought again. You never felt the need to rethink on a separate track...may be. You cannot ignore this inevitable fact of getting influenced by anybody whom you tend to follow. Some olden days when your friend said it this way and you liked the phonetic sound that the word delivered...doesn't matter if it was wrong....you still loved it! Could this be a good reason to consider?
I dont know the answer...atleast i felt better and relaxed after i tried putting my question into some shape and format....lemme sleep now...i can see a longggg tomorrow already....GN :)

I WISH...

I am really stressed out. So many things happened in a short period...i have been really busy all these days. The only entertaining part was...our dance. Now its done, we won the first prize..it was amazing...i was literally exploited past few days but was happy about the evening time that we spent on our practice. I had a heavy work load in school...day use to rise and pass by and the only thing i use to remember was ..DANCE...the moment i slept all these days was the most relaxing point in the entire day and night journey but the way i use to close my eyes was never with a silent breath..it was always some or the other step in my dance that ran through my body, my uneasy feet, my moving hands, my fumbling facial expression which never came out as something resembling to sleep with eyes half the way open, nose breathing heavily and voice pressed low but still mumbling the songs, rhythm and the tunes :)
Its all done though! Today is a little lonely...without the need to remember all steps that we choreographed with all the possible energy that six different souls could have :( No more attempts to try things that were out of my reach for the very first time...No tempers that went way off their limits due to funny reasons...nothing...
I am not sad...it had an awesome end result but the way i am missing everybody today makes me feel stressed out and lonely. I dont see academics going anywhere today..my day was productive..i worked with the same pace but it was stressful not waiting for the pleasant evening to come. I will go home...cook, relax, eat, watch TV and yes i have groceries too....Its not very encouraging though....i want to go back to square one from where the 6 blazing satrangis started off....I WISH!

A beautiful feeling unfolds...

I saw this advertisement yesterday on TV...I don't remember what product was advertised but the only thing my memory can recollect is the punch line at the end..."A beautiful feeling unfolds"...not that it has a handful of strong words, not a tough sentence construction or anything special! Still...the sentence has a gliding feeling like...
A beautiful-llll(goes up) feeling(lingering) unfolds-ssss(goes down)...don't you think so...i do!
The sentence made me take a slow motion in the actions i was doing...i found my body interesting when i repeated the line again and again rolling down the palms over my arms. I felt like giving myself a hug and recollecting all those memories which were "TODAY" someday and today they are already "YESTERDAY". I was trying to strain the corners of my lips(in slow motion off course)...trying to force my pupils to the right side of my eye in a Aishwarya Rai adda :) with my neck angled a little bit towards the ground...ya...a dictionary explanation might be something like a facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of mouth and indicating pleasure, amusement, or derision....hahaha....i found all this funny after a moment but really....the sentence turned me on...brought some good memories back and as far as i can portray it,i felt as if a feeling was unfolding like a wave in front of eyes and floating along and along...i was waiting for the next morning to put all this together in a new post, though it was a Minute thing...Yes! everything just unfolded in a minute... :)

10 minutes....

Oh! WOW...
We got up at 8 today...i think the alarm clock was ringing and we just pretended not to know anything about that damn idiot thing. Mandy was up before me and i left bed by 8:05 or so...i could smell freshness through his clean white teeth with my eyes closed and nose wide open. The best part of this morning was...he asked me back to bed for 10 cute minutes....took me in his arms when i was insisting him on getting late and slept for a while with his hot breaths caressing my cheeks...i was actually finding it very interesting that this work freak is also that ways some fine mornings :)
Wonderful 10 minutes than all lllllll the mornings i had...getting up by his side everyday in itself is a pleasure but going back to bed for a while was more fun than anything else :)

Writing....

I love to write...yes i do!
Just start somewhere and end up with something else...why not?
One of my closest friends, my near and dear one, to whom i am very close to, a versatile personality with tons of talents loaded...he likes to write too. Yes he does!

We meet a common point on lots and lots of things, our opinions resemble a lot when we discuss something, he loves poetry, he observes nature, he points out all the very cute little things that we deal with usually but dont really think about...i appreciate this quality...rather find it interesting and very much like me...I enjoy doing that as well...why not give some additional preference to the things that usually doesn't matter to anybody, they dont make any difference by behaving differently, no one cares...why not care about all these....HE does it and i love him for doing it.

I had kind of assumed me and him to be very similar...keenly close to each other in terms of resemblances...NO...thats not the truth....not atleast in case of writing.
Long back i use to read his poems with all my possible imagination...his is a more "core writing" kind of...yes, he writes more to the point...lacks the abstract sense. I use to love his poetry but never thought about the difference between his poems and mine. Some uneasy thoughts ran through my nerves when i read them but i never quite followed my nerves and understood what they were trying to say. They were pointing out the differences between HIM and ME. I like to float...be abstract...write direct from the heart to the paper...simple language...no external quotes....the feeling that runs through the passage is my satisfaction after paraphrasing it. He terms it as "Escapism"....i dont know from whom! He thinks i need to beautify my words...certainly not by using high funda language...but i dont know how...
He thinks that i need to shape my feelings ....i dont know why...

I dont agree...i thought about it though...
I dont want to add that artificial flavor to my words...finding some core or some matter in the writing might turn you professional and take out that innocence in your expression of opening up a little bit and trying not to keep everything inside yourselves...i think writing is not all about the matter in it...its different...its the satisfaction...its the expression and essence of your happiness or sadness or whatever at that very moment....atleast for me...

Its totally different for him...ya...even though i didnt agree to his opinion i found out the reason for my uneasiness running through my nerves...yup...that is pretty much the conclusion here :)

To Do List...

What is the most common, most frequent and the most repetitive thing that i do as days pass by, months go through and years lay back???
Yeah it is the TO DO LIST...tick mark the DONE's and write the TO DO's...thats what life offers, wants and needs :).... atleast my life... :(

On the refrigerator, i would have liked either a family photograph or a picture posing romance between me and my darling....you know....something of that kind...unfortunately the TO DO's dont leave any damn space for such interesting things. Everytime i open the refrigerator to take out something, thousands of post-it's sticking on the door remind me..."dear, you are suppose to do it this week"...and i am like "ya....ya ...i know....so, DONOT embarrass me by peeping in each time...u jerks"...what a hell! I am talking to those tini-tiny piece of papers...yup..though that was the last thing i would have liked to do!

No matter how much i get tired of the little-bitties, i love them the way they are...i mean it makes me feel extremely satisfied when i tick a listed thing to do. I think i am going good and should keep it up with it approaching towards the next pending job. Yes, i couldnt be perfect without listing things, tieing them up together, gathering all of them from their original forms of bits and pieces and get them all to work for the good. This satisfaction and perfection is not possible without the cute little ones. You forget, you mess up, you couldnt help yourselves asking them to help, isnt it true....yes it is, atleast for me...

At the end i just want to ask that is this a topic enough to write a blog on?
:) i dont know...but i liked one ...so i tried to pen down ... not pen actually...key down.... :)

I keep on falling in love with him....

Yesterday i freaked out...My anger was red in color glowing my chubby cheeks... feelings came out upto the tip of my nose which was blowing with high intensity and long respiration cycles. I could hear my heartbeats going way fast with a rhythm of anger in themselves. Oh gosh! that was terrible....My behavior was horrible...rather saying "i didnt behave myself" would be more appropriate. It was all crushed on Mandar...my poor dear one...the explosion was pretty obvious but not intended at the moment and somehow i started with the damn old topic and went ahead talking and talking and talking. If i say i shouldn't have done this, it wont be an honest statement. To my knowledge, it was pretty definite to happen someday but i was not sure...when. Last evening was what it can be in itself...bundles of possessive words and loads of arrogant things..i could have cut it short to one sentence..."I need this and I wont tolerate that"...it would have been DONE...but i couldn't stop telling him my heart and blowing out my mind..i just went on.

He was the most cute fellow in this universe for that particular period of my cursing and weeping and talking aloud, shouting, yelling...shedding tears and he was the one who kept mum and continued the staring. Not even a word and he was softly caressing my reddish, pinkish cheeks with a mild smile on his cute face and he calmly uttered "u have turned RED"...his words made me feel like falling down 100 storey's
from a very tall building....my anger turned into a surprise...my cheeks were trying to calm down...my heartbeats kind of slowed down and were trying to resume there rhythm back....things were getting back to normal...he did nothing but changed my entire feeling into a different expression and i was actually not a loser coz i expressed myself to tell him I LOVE YOU and fell in love with him once again as i usually keep on... :)

The Moment...

I usually like doing things when i want to and why shouldn't i?
Its all about my choice and my belongings and my world...
It doesn't have a factor of thought much of the times. Mandy likes it other way...he is never ready to do things at wrong places, wrong timings and wrong ...whatever.
He is kind of...i need to behave, i need to think and i need to be polished.
I am rough in that sense...i can live with whatever i need to survive and the needs that i need for my survival are really few. It always happens that i can be quick with my morning routine, skip my breakfast if i am late, stay late at school if i want to or get outa here suddenly at 2:00 in the afternoon and go shopping...i skip my lunch if i am not in for going out in cold and can just have a pack of MAGGIE....i can eat something in the evening and just drink coffee at night and still have a sound sleep....yes, this all gives a single conclusion, I AM FLEXIBLE....flexible for anything...i can say "thats fine".

This attitude of mine hurts me sometimes. As i said before i do whatever i want to and whenever i need to...i call my hubby in his office, during work hours, when he is in a meeting or may be having lunch with his colleagues...and i drive him nuts by offering a cell phone kiss...isn't it crazy...yes..it is....and yes i am crazy but i couldn't help being one. Its that moment for which i live, and i take my soul out to tell him the lil truth that there are so many lovable things in this world and i adore them but inspite of the millions of them being out there...its just you that makes me feel heaven around and i love you to death ...thats the reason i want you to feel that moment when i offer you an abstract kiss....which is not real but still it means as my small lil world for me....

I understand it doesn't sound practical but i love you darling :)

Exam..

Oh...i messed up big time today. It is usually bad to pick up something and just irrationaly kick it off in the student's exam paper. Instructors should try not to do this ....my honest opinion and suggestion ;) or was it me who messed it up? Honestly speaking, NO...not this time coz i studied a whole lot...had this big time sucking derivation on the tip of my tongue and had it been a question to derive it by God's grace, i would have used all the A4 size ones that i had. I swear, i was too good at that...unfortunately my professor kept the equation in front of me and expected to solve a problem out of it. His question was the most senseless question i had ever read. Come on man...let me atleast blame him for pulling down my entire knowledge about my all time enemies, integration and derivatives. Ya, i use to genuinely hate both these topics and never had a GOOD luck with them. Well, i never flunked in math even though i was not good at it. Somehow i managed to keep up the nominal score in numerical problems and do my all the very best at theory. Ya, theory is my part of the deal...i can write to eternity. Give me a topic and i can create something even if i am not fond of it, i am not very sure about it or sometimes i dont even know it. I used to fill papers from top to bottom in my engineering exams and i think i topped in my college due to the long lasting supplements ;)

Alas!today was not my day...not a very good start at 9 o clock and i saw this
OH MY GOD question paper on my desk.

Terrifying it can be at TIMES
A special morning and blank LINES
No matter how much you mingle with numbers
No friends you can be with NINES

Ya.....thats my short lil story today. I cant be friends with numericals... :(
I try them hard damn it...never mind though...

Desire....

A chunk of things to do and bundle of desires to complete. Desire is something you never want to give up on...but you have to sometimes. Practical world deals with technology, research, work places, discussions, meetings, timings and lot more things which seem to organize life in a way or so. What organization can you imply and apply to your daily needs if you don't have the desire to?
If i say i don't like to work round the clock on the stuff that i am doing, you might interpret me in a wrong way. You might start thinking that i am a girl with less capabilities, few abilities, lots and lots of laziness pouring out, not a work freak or what Americans call it as a workaholic....I don't care what you think but i feel the need to explain how am i suffocated throughout my life in getting a good education , building an excellent career, being just more than perfect on the time frame of my one time life....i feel disgusted at this point when i think that i have achieved tons of things which don't belong to me or i can put it in a better way saying "i don't belong to them".
Why is it always that you have to flow with the stream...why cant the stream take your turn and flow according to you? Those were the people who first made the water take this direction and we are the idiots following them and spending our entire lives preserving there way. Why do i care for such a stranger who made this unknown path for me and why do i have to follow it?
I ask myself then....hey GIRL, do you even have your own way to start with, do you even have the guts to go along your own path? Frankly, I don't know....but yes, i know the things i am good at....may be few, i have some strong points and i remember the moments when i saw this Amir khan film..."Taare Zameen Par"....what an excellent creation! Ya.... that was the day when i recognized my suffocated soul far more better. I tried helping myself with the one and only truth..."Every Child is Special". Yes it is....it is the truth....it is the blessing ....it is the feeling that i should have got years ago and i would have at least given a thought for a different career.
Ya....you don't want to be in the merit lists, don't want to be the toppers, ranker's to prove your brightness...believe me...you don't want to be good at numbers to be sharp.

Well, i don't want to be a philosopher or something but just wanted to open up today. Here i end up with my very first blog.... My frustration continues....i am taking off now....Got to go!