Your intentions and the world's perception is almost always contradictory, funny eh? That’s why I never interpret. Why waste time in making assumptions :) ? I received a few comments recently on my Instagram/facebook workout posts and it's quite interesting to see different perspectives from different people on such content. Not surprising at all that the intention and perception is poles apart. As a co-incidence enough, I watched this amazon prime movie -"Brittany runs a marathon" recently and it triggered this post.
The movie is about this overweight girl Brittany who has low self-discipline, low self-esteem, loves to eat, hates exercising and is constantly bashed by the society on her way of living life. It shows how Brittany makes life changing decisions, which has very little to do with 'thin' and a lot more to do with 'fit'. Her struggle is real, her depression is real, her doubting her own self is real. I know this for a fact because I have gone through it myself.
As a child I never had a skinny bone, I don’t have it now and never will but that’s least of my concerns after coming this far. It definitely had become a concern at some point in my life and I didn’t know what to do about my stubborn genes, my low metabolic rate and my unhealthy lifestyle. In 2008 I was pushed to run a 5K relay race because the team couldn’t find a 4th person. I said yes but regretted my decision instantly. I couldn’t run 500m at a stretch then. The practice sessions sucked, the actual race day sucked as well. My partner waited for me eagerly to take the last leg of 7km to the finish line. I let my team down massively and swore to never attempt running again!
In 2010, I saw a ~70 year old aunty sprinting while I was walking to the canteen to have my lunch. She was behind me, she slowly came forward, looked at me, crossed me, smiled at me, moved forward and disappeared in a few seconds. I felt embarrassed of the little fitness routine that I had followed in all those past years. That day I dropped my urge to go for fad diets, to make short term changes. I made peace with the fact that I will never look THIN and that’s not the right goal to have. I decided to up my fitness game and register for a 10K race. As the universe wanted it, 10K slots were all taken up. My husband encouraged me to register for a 21K and stop at 10K. He promised to drive me to Mcdonalds after the 10K mark and I took his lead. Again, as the universe wanted it, he had to pick me at the 21K mark because I walked, jogged, ran and somehow finished the race :)
I dared more, I
completed a couple more half marathons and finally a full 42.195km in 2013. My
training, be it running, HIIT, walking, climbing hasn’t stopped since 2011 but
I don’t look as fit as a person who has been working out for so many years
consistently. It doesn’t matter. What matters is I keep taking new challenges
and making it interesting, so that I don’t fall in the gap.
My newest attempt
to pushing myself further is working out with a personal trainer. You might have seen some sneak peaks on socials. By putting these out
there, I wouldn’t even dare to show off, rather, I make myself accountable to
the progress. It keeps me motivated, it keeps me going. So thank YOU. In turn I
might inspire someone, in turn I can show you how much I struggle every day to
stay fit. Your pat on my back is my motivation for the next day. Thanks for not
letting me fall into the gap :)
https://www.instagram.com/shalmaleev/?hl=en
PC: Running Shots by Marcus, Standard Chartered Marathon 2013
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