Honestly, I am not sure how to pen down this feeling. Is there a way to elaborate on how you can be overwhelmed and numb at the same time? When you have a mesh of thoughts weaving inside but then you feel absolutely isolated from your own self? When you are executing everything with utmost urgency but the world around seems kind of paused? A weird and unique state of mind. Past few days seem somewhat like this, I am just going with the flow. One full length stage play & a movie screening within a short span of a week has given me an absurd high. And even before that settles, i flew miles away from Singapore to this mesmerizing mountains of Alaska. My state of mind has only gone more absurd with the serenity of nature, the raw & pure side of life that people experience here, the vastness of these mountains & the entire wilderness experience.
While
my original
life continues with $$ targets, business strategies & late night
telcos, theatre & travel has helped me find my soul. This practical
life has blended well with my dream world and it
almost feels illusory. I have stood in front of the altar quite often
recently, asking god, what did I do right ?
God to me is a talking
medium. Please don’t ask if I am religious coz I am not
sure. I have been worshiping god like I had been asked to, for years but now, I
just stand and talk to this universal energy. I cry, I thank and I resonate. If that counts anything as being
religious, then i may be on the right track. Plus, the boundary between right and
wrong is extremely blur, so I have made a choice to be carefree. This has
raised a ton of judgements but again, do I care?
While being
in this
zen mode, I have realized how important it is to be grounded when you
are a
part of this entertainment industry. Your hard work and determination
truly
defines the quality of your work. You may inherit acting but focusing on
the learning of every production and applying (or de-applying) it to
the next act is an ideal
way to enhance your craft. I have made a conscious effort to take the
audience's reactions neutrally, both positive and negative. My own
satisfaction post performance is my biggest measure, also the constant
self correction has created enormous positive ripples. What I wear &
how I look on stage are of course least of my concerns but what is my
'Act' like and how
authentically am I representing 'A Character' with every inch of my body
is the
only thing I am & I should be bothered about. And since it's all
about what
I am doing, an inside-out approach, there is no room for insecurity,
jealousy,
competition and negative energy :)
This phase is
beautiful, full of gratitude for the opportunities thrown at me by the universe
and humongous satisfaction that I didn’t give up on my passion....because there
is no Right Time!
For now, Enjoy these drives through the kenai fjords national park with me :)
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