Pronunciations...

Oh gosh!i am really tired...it was a longgggg day! I should have slept by now but this question is bugging me and i couldn't really sleep.
How much do "Pronunciations" matter in a person's life? Something came up today and i suddenly recalled a bigggg argument between 2 stubborn human beings...i dont definitely remember the exact identities though....Yes..these guys had a huge fight. It started with the word proNUNciation which is usually misunderstood and mis-pronounced as proNOUNciation. The two brilliant faces never came to a conclusion on this topic but i always found proNUNtiation to be more accurate. It was just as a matter of opinion....not a very strong belief or a highly charged argument. The reason i want to clarify this is, few personalities are very conscious with the way they pronounce words and rather more sensitive about how others do the same. Few know the exact origin and the dictionary explanation with additional grammatical details and the most others judge people through there own style of pronouncing. I personally dont have a right to declare them as the wrong ones...however, i could neither be specific about them being right.
I see it in this way...A phonetic transcription of a given word is obviously customized but the manner in which one can actually utter a word could be different. It is according to his or her understanding more than anything else like a customized agreement. Words can be understood to your knowledge inspite of the standard correction or acceptability.
Is this more of a schooling influence, environmental effect and the surrounding phenomenon rather than a simple individual understanding? May be...my teacher said that and i have been following her for years....thats it! She made the actual wrong impression and you never ever gave it a thought again. You never felt the need to rethink on a separate track...may be. You cannot ignore this inevitable fact of getting influenced by anybody whom you tend to follow. Some olden days when your friend said it this way and you liked the phonetic sound that the word delivered...doesn't matter if it was wrong....you still loved it! Could this be a good reason to consider?
I dont know the answer...atleast i felt better and relaxed after i tried putting my question into some shape and format....lemme sleep now...i can see a longggg tomorrow already....GN :)

I WISH...

I am really stressed out. So many things happened in a short period...i have been really busy all these days. The only entertaining part was...our dance. Now its done, we won the first prize..it was amazing...i was literally exploited past few days but was happy about the evening time that we spent on our practice. I had a heavy work load in school...day use to rise and pass by and the only thing i use to remember was ..DANCE...the moment i slept all these days was the most relaxing point in the entire day and night journey but the way i use to close my eyes was never with a silent breath..it was always some or the other step in my dance that ran through my body, my uneasy feet, my moving hands, my fumbling facial expression which never came out as something resembling to sleep with eyes half the way open, nose breathing heavily and voice pressed low but still mumbling the songs, rhythm and the tunes :)
Its all done though! Today is a little lonely...without the need to remember all steps that we choreographed with all the possible energy that six different souls could have :( No more attempts to try things that were out of my reach for the very first time...No tempers that went way off their limits due to funny reasons...nothing...
I am not sad...it had an awesome end result but the way i am missing everybody today makes me feel stressed out and lonely. I dont see academics going anywhere today..my day was productive..i worked with the same pace but it was stressful not waiting for the pleasant evening to come. I will go home...cook, relax, eat, watch TV and yes i have groceries too....Its not very encouraging though....i want to go back to square one from where the 6 blazing satrangis started off....I WISH!

A beautiful feeling unfolds...

I saw this advertisement yesterday on TV...I don't remember what product was advertised but the only thing my memory can recollect is the punch line at the end..."A beautiful feeling unfolds"...not that it has a handful of strong words, not a tough sentence construction or anything special! Still...the sentence has a gliding feeling like...
A beautiful-llll(goes up) feeling(lingering) unfolds-ssss(goes down)...don't you think so...i do!
The sentence made me take a slow motion in the actions i was doing...i found my body interesting when i repeated the line again and again rolling down the palms over my arms. I felt like giving myself a hug and recollecting all those memories which were "TODAY" someday and today they are already "YESTERDAY". I was trying to strain the corners of my lips(in slow motion off course)...trying to force my pupils to the right side of my eye in a Aishwarya Rai adda :) with my neck angled a little bit towards the ground...ya...a dictionary explanation might be something like a facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of mouth and indicating pleasure, amusement, or derision....hahaha....i found all this funny after a moment but really....the sentence turned me on...brought some good memories back and as far as i can portray it,i felt as if a feeling was unfolding like a wave in front of eyes and floating along and along...i was waiting for the next morning to put all this together in a new post, though it was a Minute thing...Yes! everything just unfolded in a minute... :)

10 minutes....

Oh! WOW...
We got up at 8 today...i think the alarm clock was ringing and we just pretended not to know anything about that damn idiot thing. Mandy was up before me and i left bed by 8:05 or so...i could smell freshness through his clean white teeth with my eyes closed and nose wide open. The best part of this morning was...he asked me back to bed for 10 cute minutes....took me in his arms when i was insisting him on getting late and slept for a while with his hot breaths caressing my cheeks...i was actually finding it very interesting that this work freak is also that ways some fine mornings :)
Wonderful 10 minutes than all lllllll the mornings i had...getting up by his side everyday in itself is a pleasure but going back to bed for a while was more fun than anything else :)

Writing....

I love to write...yes i do!
Just start somewhere and end up with something else...why not?
One of my closest friends, my near and dear one, to whom i am very close to, a versatile personality with tons of talents loaded...he likes to write too. Yes he does!

We meet a common point on lots and lots of things, our opinions resemble a lot when we discuss something, he loves poetry, he observes nature, he points out all the very cute little things that we deal with usually but dont really think about...i appreciate this quality...rather find it interesting and very much like me...I enjoy doing that as well...why not give some additional preference to the things that usually doesn't matter to anybody, they dont make any difference by behaving differently, no one cares...why not care about all these....HE does it and i love him for doing it.

I had kind of assumed me and him to be very similar...keenly close to each other in terms of resemblances...NO...thats not the truth....not atleast in case of writing.
Long back i use to read his poems with all my possible imagination...his is a more "core writing" kind of...yes, he writes more to the point...lacks the abstract sense. I use to love his poetry but never thought about the difference between his poems and mine. Some uneasy thoughts ran through my nerves when i read them but i never quite followed my nerves and understood what they were trying to say. They were pointing out the differences between HIM and ME. I like to float...be abstract...write direct from the heart to the paper...simple language...no external quotes....the feeling that runs through the passage is my satisfaction after paraphrasing it. He terms it as "Escapism"....i dont know from whom! He thinks i need to beautify my words...certainly not by using high funda language...but i dont know how...
He thinks that i need to shape my feelings ....i dont know why...

I dont agree...i thought about it though...
I dont want to add that artificial flavor to my words...finding some core or some matter in the writing might turn you professional and take out that innocence in your expression of opening up a little bit and trying not to keep everything inside yourselves...i think writing is not all about the matter in it...its different...its the satisfaction...its the expression and essence of your happiness or sadness or whatever at that very moment....atleast for me...

Its totally different for him...ya...even though i didnt agree to his opinion i found out the reason for my uneasiness running through my nerves...yup...that is pretty much the conclusion here :)

To Do List...

What is the most common, most frequent and the most repetitive thing that i do as days pass by, months go through and years lay back???
Yeah it is the TO DO LIST...tick mark the DONE's and write the TO DO's...thats what life offers, wants and needs :).... atleast my life... :(

On the refrigerator, i would have liked either a family photograph or a picture posing romance between me and my darling....you know....something of that kind...unfortunately the TO DO's dont leave any damn space for such interesting things. Everytime i open the refrigerator to take out something, thousands of post-it's sticking on the door remind me..."dear, you are suppose to do it this week"...and i am like "ya....ya ...i know....so, DONOT embarrass me by peeping in each time...u jerks"...what a hell! I am talking to those tini-tiny piece of papers...yup..though that was the last thing i would have liked to do!

No matter how much i get tired of the little-bitties, i love them the way they are...i mean it makes me feel extremely satisfied when i tick a listed thing to do. I think i am going good and should keep it up with it approaching towards the next pending job. Yes, i couldnt be perfect without listing things, tieing them up together, gathering all of them from their original forms of bits and pieces and get them all to work for the good. This satisfaction and perfection is not possible without the cute little ones. You forget, you mess up, you couldnt help yourselves asking them to help, isnt it true....yes it is, atleast for me...

At the end i just want to ask that is this a topic enough to write a blog on?
:) i dont know...but i liked one ...so i tried to pen down ... not pen actually...key down.... :)

I keep on falling in love with him....

Yesterday i freaked out...My anger was red in color glowing my chubby cheeks... feelings came out upto the tip of my nose which was blowing with high intensity and long respiration cycles. I could hear my heartbeats going way fast with a rhythm of anger in themselves. Oh gosh! that was terrible....My behavior was horrible...rather saying "i didnt behave myself" would be more appropriate. It was all crushed on Mandar...my poor dear one...the explosion was pretty obvious but not intended at the moment and somehow i started with the damn old topic and went ahead talking and talking and talking. If i say i shouldn't have done this, it wont be an honest statement. To my knowledge, it was pretty definite to happen someday but i was not sure...when. Last evening was what it can be in itself...bundles of possessive words and loads of arrogant things..i could have cut it short to one sentence..."I need this and I wont tolerate that"...it would have been DONE...but i couldn't stop telling him my heart and blowing out my mind..i just went on.

He was the most cute fellow in this universe for that particular period of my cursing and weeping and talking aloud, shouting, yelling...shedding tears and he was the one who kept mum and continued the staring. Not even a word and he was softly caressing my reddish, pinkish cheeks with a mild smile on his cute face and he calmly uttered "u have turned RED"...his words made me feel like falling down 100 storey's
from a very tall building....my anger turned into a surprise...my cheeks were trying to calm down...my heartbeats kind of slowed down and were trying to resume there rhythm back....things were getting back to normal...he did nothing but changed my entire feeling into a different expression and i was actually not a loser coz i expressed myself to tell him I LOVE YOU and fell in love with him once again as i usually keep on... :)

The Moment...

I usually like doing things when i want to and why shouldn't i?
Its all about my choice and my belongings and my world...
It doesn't have a factor of thought much of the times. Mandy likes it other way...he is never ready to do things at wrong places, wrong timings and wrong ...whatever.
He is kind of...i need to behave, i need to think and i need to be polished.
I am rough in that sense...i can live with whatever i need to survive and the needs that i need for my survival are really few. It always happens that i can be quick with my morning routine, skip my breakfast if i am late, stay late at school if i want to or get outa here suddenly at 2:00 in the afternoon and go shopping...i skip my lunch if i am not in for going out in cold and can just have a pack of MAGGIE....i can eat something in the evening and just drink coffee at night and still have a sound sleep....yes, this all gives a single conclusion, I AM FLEXIBLE....flexible for anything...i can say "thats fine".

This attitude of mine hurts me sometimes. As i said before i do whatever i want to and whenever i need to...i call my hubby in his office, during work hours, when he is in a meeting or may be having lunch with his colleagues...and i drive him nuts by offering a cell phone kiss...isn't it crazy...yes..it is....and yes i am crazy but i couldn't help being one. Its that moment for which i live, and i take my soul out to tell him the lil truth that there are so many lovable things in this world and i adore them but inspite of the millions of them being out there...its just you that makes me feel heaven around and i love you to death ...thats the reason i want you to feel that moment when i offer you an abstract kiss....which is not real but still it means as my small lil world for me....

I understand it doesn't sound practical but i love you darling :)

Exam..

Oh...i messed up big time today. It is usually bad to pick up something and just irrationaly kick it off in the student's exam paper. Instructors should try not to do this ....my honest opinion and suggestion ;) or was it me who messed it up? Honestly speaking, NO...not this time coz i studied a whole lot...had this big time sucking derivation on the tip of my tongue and had it been a question to derive it by God's grace, i would have used all the A4 size ones that i had. I swear, i was too good at that...unfortunately my professor kept the equation in front of me and expected to solve a problem out of it. His question was the most senseless question i had ever read. Come on man...let me atleast blame him for pulling down my entire knowledge about my all time enemies, integration and derivatives. Ya, i use to genuinely hate both these topics and never had a GOOD luck with them. Well, i never flunked in math even though i was not good at it. Somehow i managed to keep up the nominal score in numerical problems and do my all the very best at theory. Ya, theory is my part of the deal...i can write to eternity. Give me a topic and i can create something even if i am not fond of it, i am not very sure about it or sometimes i dont even know it. I used to fill papers from top to bottom in my engineering exams and i think i topped in my college due to the long lasting supplements ;)

Alas!today was not my day...not a very good start at 9 o clock and i saw this
OH MY GOD question paper on my desk.

Terrifying it can be at TIMES
A special morning and blank LINES
No matter how much you mingle with numbers
No friends you can be with NINES

Ya.....thats my short lil story today. I cant be friends with numericals... :(
I try them hard damn it...never mind though...

Desire....

A chunk of things to do and bundle of desires to complete. Desire is something you never want to give up on...but you have to sometimes. Practical world deals with technology, research, work places, discussions, meetings, timings and lot more things which seem to organize life in a way or so. What organization can you imply and apply to your daily needs if you don't have the desire to?
If i say i don't like to work round the clock on the stuff that i am doing, you might interpret me in a wrong way. You might start thinking that i am a girl with less capabilities, few abilities, lots and lots of laziness pouring out, not a work freak or what Americans call it as a workaholic....I don't care what you think but i feel the need to explain how am i suffocated throughout my life in getting a good education , building an excellent career, being just more than perfect on the time frame of my one time life....i feel disgusted at this point when i think that i have achieved tons of things which don't belong to me or i can put it in a better way saying "i don't belong to them".
Why is it always that you have to flow with the stream...why cant the stream take your turn and flow according to you? Those were the people who first made the water take this direction and we are the idiots following them and spending our entire lives preserving there way. Why do i care for such a stranger who made this unknown path for me and why do i have to follow it?
I ask myself then....hey GIRL, do you even have your own way to start with, do you even have the guts to go along your own path? Frankly, I don't know....but yes, i know the things i am good at....may be few, i have some strong points and i remember the moments when i saw this Amir khan film..."Taare Zameen Par"....what an excellent creation! Ya.... that was the day when i recognized my suffocated soul far more better. I tried helping myself with the one and only truth..."Every Child is Special". Yes it is....it is the truth....it is the blessing ....it is the feeling that i should have got years ago and i would have at least given a thought for a different career.
Ya....you don't want to be in the merit lists, don't want to be the toppers, ranker's to prove your brightness...believe me...you don't want to be good at numbers to be sharp.

Well, i don't want to be a philosopher or something but just wanted to open up today. Here i end up with my very first blog.... My frustration continues....i am taking off now....Got to go!