25 it is !!!

What a weekend it was!!! Beautiful!!! I am fully satisfied and content.

People, it was my birthday on the 15th, which was supposed to be only on Sunday and which lasted for 4 long days, believe me. Totally pampered...Mandar, friends and colleagues. Yes, bday wishes in advance started with a "I Sing" balloon & a very sweet card on Friday morning by Jarvis, a very dear friend of mine at work. Friday evening was really special, Mandar drove me to a surprise sitting in a absolutely high-end spa. People...massage, facial and pedicure with a complimentary drink & a snack on Friday eve after a long tiring week....do i need to say anything more? Saturday, wonderful weather, sun-shine & breeze together..aha! A cup of chai in the morning(that Mandar made for me), a bed, laptop and TV...all day!!! Between, i got a very pretty hair cut done and yes...i highlighted my hair in RED, what say? It feels amazing to look totally different. Mandar and his credit cards are suffering, it wasn't my fault, it was my birthday you see ;) 12 o clock Saturday night...we were still hooked up to the TV and the bell rings...my dearest friends with cake and candles. wowwwwwwww...thats the end of CAKE 1. Sunday morning, the actual Birth- Day...chai again accompanied with my cell phone ringing every minute :)) uhhh!!!offcourse i felt special :) I and Mandar decided to head out to oak mountain with snacks, music for a small lil picnic and the phone was still ringing. We were a lil romantic, funny at times, had a few serious discussions, books on the side, music unlimited, food being on the top. Sat at the lake thinking about the finest moments when him and i were sitting on the same spot a couple of days later after he had proposed me. Picked up a couple of movies on our way back...and the phone was still ringing. Very shortly my bhaiya bhabi were with us with CAKE 2 and chocolates :)) Mandar cooked a nice meal, his special biryani to go with wine and candle light dinner, muah! Monday morning, people started wishing belated birthday at work and by noon, all of my colleagues with 2 more cakes, in my office, one from my buddy-buddy at work and other from my gossip buddy at work...wowwwwwwwwwwww...i feel so speciallllll. So, finally CAKE 3 and CAKE 4 is done, done now. 2009 has reminded me of turning 25, big time!!!

I feel really blessed..thank yo'all...I had a great great birthday :))
Smiles and hugs!!!

Tired...

Tired of getting up early and coming home late!!!

Its dark when i wake up
Its dark when i sleep
Its dark when i come home
Its dark when i leave

I strove to see sunrise before,
But i used to be fast asleep,
I strive to see sunrise now,
Am already busy,when he is ready to peep.

Being on the road, in the dark, in the nights,
Its hard to see any further than the headlights,
But you can make the whole trip that way,
Its ok...even if the car tries to sway ;)

This is the changed story of my life,
& this is the fact, not at all a rife!!!

I was chasing the sun earlier,
And he is doing the same now...
We need to try & wake up together,
Just have to figure out how :)

HAPPY DIWALI!!!

Diwali has always been very special for me. My mom use to make great sweets for diwali, we use to have a big puja in our factory with all the workers in house, my friends, family, big time party with food and sweets. Center of the story were the firecrackers though. OMG!!! we had a fascination for this "5000 chi phatakyachi mal" (its a type of firecracker) which goes on for like 4 minutes continuously. I just loved it when all the faces in our colony use to peep through the balconies to see this three minute show and make sure its us again who had the priviledge of lighting this huge and expensive cracker in the entire neighbourhood. Not one single time did my dad made me miss this feeling of being on top of the entire world. Doesn't matter if it was only for a couple of hundred people around the neighbourhood, i still felt to be the superior one amongst the bunch.

The very last diwali that i celebrated at home with my parents was the one before i came to US. My heart was so full that i was wiping my eyes every other second. One thought was all over me, "this is the last one". For the very next diwali, my grandmother expired and we didnt have no reason for any celebrations. The following one was just before my wedding and guess what...i was back home...at my parents place :) One more year for 5000 chi mighty mal and i was full of it again. Diwali last year was here in the US as a newly wedded wife's first festival of lights and brights. I made sweets exactly the way as my mom did. I did the puja with the marigold flowers all over exactly the way my dad did. I tried to bring back every bit of it...finding for reasons not to miss home. So, for all those 24 years of my life, diwali has been full of celebrations, customs, lights, enthusiasm, sweets, happy moods and wonderful wonderful memories.

2009 has not been the same for me though. I made no sweets this year, i dont have no crackers, i didnt do any puja at home, i did not put candles all over my house, and most of all i dont even have a feeling that its DIWALI. I have no enthu to dress up and have fun. My parents are not with me, i miss my sister every minute and as worse it can get, Mandar is not here. I miss him so much today.

Just one thing i would like to say, its hard without your loved ones, cherish them as much as you can. There is nothing much important than a person.

Love you mom
Love you dad
Love you chikya
&
Love you Mandy

Miss you all!!!

HAPPY DIWALI TO EVERYONE. HAVE A BLAST. LOTS OF SMILES FOR MY READERS :))

What a day!!!

Its 6:50 am. I am sitting in my car...roadside. Its drizzling...sun is hiding behind the clouds.... and i give a shot @ writing whatever happened in last couple of minutes.

I got up with a heavy headache this morning..double thoughts about calling-in sick. next moment...i made my mind to go to work. Ready, got in the car and was off on my daily road in dark, chills and rain. Tried calling my mom as i always do...she didnt answer. I was a lil awake, lil sleepy...driving to the tunes of lagan lagi tumse mann ki lagan...a person flashed headlights at me and i thought why?? My "why" thought was still incomplete and the next thing i saw was a log lying on the road, just ahead of me, and BANG...bam bam bam!!!I hit the log real hard...tire was obiviously flat. I somehow pulled the car over into a driveway and waited, waited and waited for 2 minutes. My breathing was a lil heavy, pulse was beating hard... This guy who flashed the lights @ me comes back and asks," do you want me to change the tire?" In a split second i said, "No thanks...i think i am gona call a friend". He left...in another split second i did regret...was it right to ask him to leave? Anyways, it all happened for a reason coz i found out later that i didnt have a spare tire. Meanwhile 5 people stopped by and offered help but i rejected all of them coz i didnt know whom to trust. Moving on, i started calling my husband...it took about 15 calls to wake him up...tried calling colleagues...nobody answered. Finally i decided to call 911....my best bet...and before doing that i called my hubby one last time and he answered.Oh!!! what a relief!!! I called the roadside service as he advised me to, the ETA to tow me and the car was 1 hr. what the hell!!! Between , few cops stopped by to say hi...they were my friends by the time i left ;) because the towing vehicle arrived after 2 hrs and 10 minutes. WHAT THE F***!!!!!!!

I hardly wanted to look @ this tow expert BEN...or VAN...or whoever....i dont even remember....and he says " sorry it took so long..."gadhva...kuthe tari jaun jeev de" i actually mumbled it in marathi ;) Finally the car was on and me in the tow-truck.
On the way to med center mazda, i called everybody who was trying to help from where he/she was. Mandy from home, my colleagues from office and mom from india :)
The great Jason @ the service center gave me another good news, "Maam, the rim is broken and the battery is dead too. It might take 2 hrs if the tire is available. If not...????

Mandy...tring tring...2 more hrs...pick me up.
I hardly hung up the phone...
A fairly old guy...does anyone need a ride?? shuttle is ready to go!!!

Mandy...tring tring...i am going to take the shuttle...dont pick me up.
I reach home and at that very moment...it strikes me...
My house keys...with the car keys...in MED CENTER MAZDA :(((((((((

Mandy...tring tring....no keys...please come home...
And finally...15 minutes later...i saw a green mazda coming in our driveway and i thought...My savior is here...now nothing can go wrong :)

So...a day worth of no work, $0 paid (since i get paid hourly), $300 worth of repair, $107 worth of 2 hrs waiting for the towing service and a day full of errors.

But the "Afterall kiss" from my savior made it all WORTH :)

Patterns :)

Since i have started working on a construction site, i have known americans on a different level. I had a lot of american friends in school, we hung out, had fun, but this is all different. Believe me or not, for the last 5 months i am here, i havent seen much of a "family guy" trend, the one who is married, has kids, and is having a sound life. They do have a fun life but none of them seem to be stable. A 26year old girl has 2 babies..she isnt married. 21 year old guy is not married and has 3 kids. A guy is 40 year old with an 8 year old son and is a single now. 35 year old person has an 18 year old son who is going to have a kid pretty soon. I knew this like 2 days ago. Today, the 35 yr old invited me for his wife's baby shower ...whoo! strange haan!!! A guy has dated a stripper for week, then he had a nurse for another week, he went out with a bar dancer and he tells me now, he has 3 kids, he is on his way to get divorced..."on his way"...so technically he has a wife too.

This is supposedly not about "just dating" or having sex for fun...these are messed up patterns of life in my opinion...but i am glad i came across this sector of america and got a chance to actually make friends with these patterns too :)

This...that...and whatever!!!!

I have stacks of paper in front of me, infinite to-do lists all around, 100 post-its notes and god knows what else. But i feel the urge to write something right now.

This morning was really beautiful. I was driving to work at 5 am...extremely sleepy...closed my eyes for a second or two and ended up on the other side of the road when i woke up. SSShhhhhuuuuu....Was scared to death...didnt tell anyone about it. I stopped by a gas station ...got some warm coffee and turned on the music real loud. The first song i heard was...ghanan ghan ghan...badra ke dhamke...man dhadkaye badarva...aha!!! loved every single tune of it at a volume of 26.

The other night when all of us were at the spain park high-school to play volley ball on a friday eve...we were sweating like hell. All husbands were off to get the cars from a far-away parking lot and we, all wives, who were miserably tired, for a change went into a nearby park, full of swings, slides and fun. Can you imagine jhuling a jhula after hec of a long time. I went back into my chilhood memories....The Nagraj Colony park, where we waited in humongous line to get to those swings...they meant whole world to me. The breeze you feel when you get closer to the sky, all that you let go when you swing back, the feeling of you being "aaj mein upar" is absolutely amazing....It was all dark that evening, sky full of stars, and i felt that breeze on my cheeks again...after a long long time. I breathed, smelled and felt satisfaction in and around me...

I know...i dont have anything specific "this or that" to say....felt like writing it all...i am miserably busy these days and thats when i think a lot...i multi-think....my thoughts are all mixed up (wohoo...not messed up though)...and i tend to throw such random things at my readers...i hope you guys dont mind it....so basically blah blah and blah :))

????

Have had no time to write/read anything. My in laws are in town and i am all engrossed in them.
It just happened so 2 weeks ago when i was ready to leave my office and walk out...our site manager calls everyone in the common area and tells us that our general manager/company's vice president is no more working with us.

He is fired or laid off, whichever sounds better. I was lost, he is the same person who had hired me . I dont remember what was i thinking for next couple of moments...everything seemed pretty much blank. 3 days following this news, company released his wife, PS: she worked for us as well. I wasn't blank this time,just a little uneasy. Today, they released our office associate @ the corporate office. There is a rumor that the office associate at our plant is in the queue. I didnt feel anything....Its amazing how you get used to shocks.

But yes...i am scared of this current situation where people just wake up one day and know that they dont have a job anymore. This economy and the overall bad time leaves me with a big question mark....will i have my job tomorrow or it will limit everything to a laminated MS degree hanging on the wall, spa trips, daily shopping and snappy dressing??? or am i actually going to continue using my knowledge for working and making some money?????

Clueless...

I want to go back...i dont know where.
Where do i want to go...go back...where???

May be home...may be India...may be back to a single's life...may be. Watched a movie today, "The Holiday". Fantabulous acting by Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet and the Irish gentleman (not sure what his name is). Well, once again i realized that i am crazy about irish guys. Ya, i sort of like them...no wait...adore them...not exactly...love them...ooo...hot...oops...i mean good looking or handsome may be. Whatever, you got it, didnt you ;) Its a good movie except for the fact that they weep the entire time coz they are singles. Well...it isnt that bad.

You get to be yourself...do stuff...sometimes...or most of the times do nothing. Not cook...not worry...eat noodles...watch TV, doenst matter how long...surf...date...sleep....whatever man!!! I feel like living boundless again. I want to be careless...i dont want to track myself or anyone else. I feel the urge to mess up a little, may be myself, may be my house...no hold on. I dont want a house...a mortgage neither. A studio apartment would work...which can give me enough room for my twin bed, TV & a small kitchen...and yes, a bean bag to lie on for hoursssss.

Every weekend is different for me...week doesnt matter much coz then i dont have enough time to think about such random stuff. Last one was full of dresses... this one was about watching a shakespear's play, attending a DJ/bhangra night where DJ Rekha was one of the attractions it seems. Apparently, we, i mean my husband was expecting her to be a babe and she wansnt...pretty famous though and i absolutely dont know why. She was no good than a regular DJ. You know what...DJ parties are no more fun for me. Why? Oh god...i have no clue what i am writing...

I am out of my mind...weird...tired...and yes...married!!!!

Weekend dressing :)

A Weekend full of dressing and make up...i had fun, fun and funnnnnn!!!Spring/summer is here and its worth dressing for all the colors we have around :))

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

We talked about this last evening...its been 3 years since i and mandar met, made friends, fell in love, got married. Since then, we never had a fight-fight. It was all ruthna-manana till date. Yesterday...we had our first actual fight-fight. The reason is not worth mentioning but i was mad...thats all i can say. He was too.

After a while, i was far passed the basic reason of the conflict and was upset about the fact that, we fought!

Fight is not meant to be when it comes to me & mandy. We have a perfect rapport. Thats why i feel like crying :(((

Bonsai post :)

Any "mini" thing catches my attention and i go crazyyyyyyyyyy.
Any "Bonsai" works for me and i am not refering to "plants only". Generally, mini is my turn on thingy. So here is my bonsai post on miniatures!!!

Recently, we got a notebook, HP mini, 10" screen size. It is literally mini....so cuteeeee!!! Remember the miniatures of the tea sets that we use to play with when we were kids, i loved it. I was fond of the little bitty cups, saucers & the tea pots :). Whenever my gradma use to bring a plant-bonsai in, i kept staringgggg at it.
Any showcase item/miniature makes me smile and i go...chichi, michi, cutie pieeeeee!!! Ya, i know its crazy but i have that kid in me when it comes to tiny things. I am not a big pet lover anyways. In fact, i am a little finicky when it comes to pets, however the tinish puppies make me love them with their intolerably cute mannerisms. Not to forget, the tiny mandarine oranges, have you ever looked at the small pieces inside...Oh My God!! Nature is unbelievable. On one fine spring day, me and my husband were getting some garden material from a nursery and i see these small pots, extremely cute garden carts, and various mini garden items. I have some pictures here...please take a look and i might wonder if you dont go....chichi...michi....cutie pieeeeeeeeee :)).

First day at CPF Dualam!!!

Yes!!! I got the job :)

As much interesting it sounds, it actually is. Recession and the overall economy has affected millions and i am not an exception. However, i got this job in a well-to-do construction company, very commonly known as Dualam, USA. 8:00am was a nightmare to be in school for the first class of the day and we use to curse Dr. Chawla for being that punctual. He wont allow a 5 minute delay :(. Big deal...5 minutes. Yes...it is a big deal in real world. Being used to a cocooned life style where undergrad's-day started at 10:00am back in India, promoted me to the grad's-day, here in US, which used to start at 8:00am. Its time to get out of the cocoon though....i have received this grand promotion where i have to clock-in on site at 6:30am. Getting to the job site takes me about 50 unwanted early morning minutes when the sun doesn't bother to show up but i need to...how about that? You better leave home by 5:30am or you are fired girl!!!

Its no normal AC cabins for the bosses and reasonably big cubes for the beginners. Its no luxurious computers on the desks and cleanliness all around. Its no putting pots and plants, frames and photos, crafts and paintings on the desks. Its no skirts and formals, make-up and hair, jewelery and matching purses. Keep it real baby...blue jeans, safety glasses, hard hats, steel toed boots and vests....the boots are too heavy though :(. I can hardly walk.

I and my boss sit in the same cabin. After all, i am the Junior Inspector and he is the Senior Inspector...yeah its the Quality Assurance Dept. I like it so far. Lets see when the actual work begins. Seems like my boss is on a 12 hrs shift right now...i don't want to be promoted any sooner :)

Ms. NOBODY!!

The very nature of human is to mourn about everything he has. Mine is not very different. I am tired of complaining to myself. I usually don't share my worries....doesn't matter how intense they are. I try not to bother anyone else unless its a need.

All this makes me recall Will Smith's movie, Pursuit of Happiness and understand his words/dialogs..."This part, this SMALL part of my life is...Happiness"! Oh ya! you bet if this is not a universal truth. I am getting a feeling that happiness contributes very less in life or is it that we don't want to be happy? We criticize. Small-little things continue to annoy us, irritate us, make us unhappy and we give up the strength to resist this cycle of dissatisfactions. Who knows what would have been the best decision for you...if you don't, nobody does. So its wise to stop the blame game and come a step back to keep up with the fact that you can be happy nonetheless. But but but....thats only my way of thinking. Nobody really wants to take a step back and compromise on his/her sharpened ego. No-one is willing to keep mum and listen. It has begun to become the good old way of my life and its not very uncertain anymore for people to think of me as Ms. NOBODY. Its an unuttered understanding that i am the one to let go things to any extent. My insult, my ego, my self respect, my opinions are very much compromising themselves to please the surrounding. Loosing temper and being rude is not my way of securing my self respect. I have thoroughly felt, applied and experienced the word "Compromise" through different phases of life. I wouldn't say it was equally difficult at all times but i wont accept that it was always easy either. It has built my character a lot but lately its kind of annoying me for not being respected inspite of my age, attitude, qualification and the overall dignity. I feel being taken to be granted very similarly like when i was in 5th or 6th grade. My attitude has changed towards people who were old and are getting older, towards personalities who were young and are getting older, towards people who were short tempered and are getting sarcastic, those who were jealous @ me and are my friends now, those who were just friends and are my best friends lately, those who annoyed me to death but still i call them often and all those who had started terribly and have ended up being just fine.

I think this attitude doesn't help much coz people haven't changed the attitude towards me and haven't really considered me being at a different level from what i was a few years before. To avoid being nobody, its worth while to speak for yourself and be at peace. Looks like thats the only way of being happy for a longer time. Compromising has not given me any returns other than the complains that i do to myself when i am totally frustrated. Its hard to keep everyone happy at the same time. So let them be happy in there own ways and i should find a way to stop giving up the arrogance and insulting times that a few people have given me...World peace is a huge thing and i cant help it all by myself. So let me be a little selfish and think about the small part of my life :))

Huh!! I feel better now!!!

The Bridal Dress!!!

I wonder how different one thing can be at several different places. I am talking about a common thread, “Wedding”. Two souls getting together and sharing “WE” and “US” is the only backbone of a wedding, any wedding. This being the fact, weddings have a flavor of variety, traditions, beliefs, conceptions and colors.

I was fond of a Christian wedding since childhood. Being in the US for last two and half years, I have seen quite a few church weddings. The most attractive thing for me in a church wedding is the white bridal dress. I so wanted to wear it once and get married in the church. Since i went straight ahead and got married to an Indian guy, there was no chance to keep aside the Vedic Indian traditions and ignore Hinduism. After all, colors in the Hindu wedding are mind blowing, red is the heart, green is authentic, yellow is the tradition, flowers are in seven colors, dressing is enthusiastic and bright, chaos is enjoyable and last but not the least….my favorite….the henna tattoo…the Mehendi….its the most lovable part. Against all this, a church wedding, terribly organized, well mannered, people hardly smile, black & white are the colors, the flowers are white…at the most pink, the bride & groom with their rehearsed steps to walk through the aisle, groom is in black and the bride is in her pretty, wonderful white bridal dress. The huge difference to see but hardly any to feel, coz the feeling is same, the vows are same (though the languages vary), the post marriage fun is same, the hulchul in two minds is immeasurable and in differentiable, no matter what, where & how the wedding is!

Apart from all this, I got to wear that white bridal dress once in a lifetime…its my dream to walk down the church aisle with the dress on, flowers should be red though….white is not a wedding color…my bridesmaid should be in a red gown, and yes, people should smile…its not a serious occasion damn it! Music should be Indian….i don’t like those American non-understandable music bands, I & my groom won’t rehearse the vows & imitate them on the wedding day….its a one time thing & it should come from your heart, it shouldn’t require a rehearsal in my opinion, its not a drama or a performance. Neither does it has to be perfect, speak & span…its not an exam where you need to mug stuff for getting an A. It should be clear & real…that’s what I would like to do in my dream wedding. My father should walk me down the aisle and Mandar should grab me from there…but ya! My groom should be only him…no matter how many times I get married :))

President Elect Barack Obama...

I was registered for voting at the age of 18 in my home country, India. Back then i was never serious about the right to vote. My disliking politics was to the extent of not voting...who cares who is gona be your next authority...they all are the same anyways. Irrespective of my mindset that the elected person has nothing to do with the word IMPROVE, the right to vote is a prime requisite for a citizen of that particular country. I have started experiencing and believing it more...after all, i am counted amongst the minorities now and cant vote for any good reason.

I never portrayed myself following politics. I hateeee politics; however, Elections-2008 was a huge deal, for both, me & Obama ;). Moreover, i was into it since the primaries started heating up.The battle between Clinton and Obama was at its peak....thats when i realized....i like Obama better. Not that i knew anything about him and his work...but i liked the way he was campaigning. I felt some percentage of honesty and clarity when he spoke out his plans and policies. On the other hand, Clinton's fake smile and her non-promising objectives were absolutely shaky & annoying or may be... i just had a little crush on Obama ;). Oh ya! he is one super handsome fellow...tall, dark, handsome :). Jokes apart...coz DARK is not a very casual term or part of a phrase in his case...it can be profoundly stated as BLACK or subtly uttered as African American to be on the safer side, no offense anyways.

Eventually, Maccain-Obama times were more fun to me. From the very beginning i was not too serious about it but as it reached the vice-president choosing stage...oh ya!i was so not with Maccain, i soooo didn't like Palin! I had a feeling that this lady knows politics as much as i do and i wont definitely go and stand for a vice presidential post. Holy moly...that self conscious s*** lady-politician should have come out of Alaska first to be a potential US vice-president. I was amazed to see her debating abilities and i thought that she was literally making an assault on the history of politics, not verbally, just that the technicality was nowhere existing. She was taught to speak what she spoke in the debates and not being able to give the relevent remarks, she was taking both, Joe Biden and the debate moderator, back to the question bank/answer bank she had learnt. It all sounded very similar to the standard 10th "Most Likely" question paper series to me. Alas! (not Alaska ;)) unfortunately the syllabus was changed this year and the vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin failed ( i am happy for her and in turn US citizens too). This was the time when i felt that Maccain is not affordable and i wished i could have put my 2 cents into it by voting for Obama :(

On the very day...The day of unwrapping the count of votes...the facebook status updates were in Barack's favor, my labmates, both, a white & a black guy voted for Obama, many of the minority friends were supporting obama-policies, counting was going at its full speed...looked like Maccain was not gona make it...i was sighing! The black community through the entire US was blushing...i just thought, we were getting there...and at 11 pm or so, ABC/CNN/Fox, all the news channels had one thing to say..."Barack Obama is the president elect with 270+ electoral votes....AHhhhhhhhhhh!

I enjoyed the moment...just one regret...my 2 cents.... :((

Lina :)

Are you aware of many such people who are real good at heart...people who wouldn't ever think of hurting someone for any damn reason? One of this rare species is my friend/labmate, LINA. She is quiet a composition...a perfect combo of beauty and brains, sweet, cute, nutty, smart, transparent Columbian female...whose full name runs a line long before stopping..."Lina Paola Herrera Estrada"....yup...thats a real name :). She has a people pleasing disorder, to be short, she is very much engaged in PPD. Yes, she goes out of her way to bake a cake for every single occasion....may it be a birthday, a baby shower, a wedding....doesn't matter. She needs a reason and a new awesome cake is ready each time. Her partners in crime are Leigh hudson (my other cutie labmate) and none other than myself...

So, a few words dedicated to this pink lover, cake baker and a sweetu friend :)

Mona, Rina, Sona, Tina....
Coming from the same genre,
What's so special about Lina?

"Sweet" is a Lina-word,
"Cute" is Lina's sword.

Inside out being a nurd,
She manages being preferred!

Organization is her key,
Study-time....no see.

Unlimited gossip, no fee,
All-time partners, Shalmaleigh :)

Someone whose dress is pink,
For whom, blue comes later...
Pink is the primary ink,
Lina@pink is her website link,
Hello-kitty girl she is, blink blink!

Usually,
"Two" makes friends,
"Three" is a crowd...
But, Leigh, Lina and I
Can say it loud,
We are buddies,
In search of fun,
Only smiles matter,
A million, a ton :))

Hope you like it girl!

Sight...

Ya right...sight is what i miss today. I was proud to have a perfect sight after 3 major eye surgeries done on my tini tiny Chinese looking eyes. They were still smaller at the time of my birth than they are now. Doctors tried their bit to open them to the fullest. I have had a bit of encounters with my friends on this point...they use to tease me...i felt embarrassed at times. It was all taken in a wrong way till a point when one person gave me a knew vision and a new way to look at the topic. Somebody had said, i like your "Eyes"...they seem dreamy to me...awaiting...promising...and that was the day when my inferiority complex went way far then i would have ever thought. I started believing in the tini minies and now that i had Mandy to date with, surprisingly he said the same thing...i like your "Eyes"...oh!!!!! So now, i was in the attitude mode...you like my eyes, good for you, you don't....who cares :)

But but but....once again, i am shattered...the proud feeling is smashed off...why???
what do you mean why....my eyes need those idiotic pair of glasses now :(
Ya...why did i even go to that stupid FREE vision screening...Indians have a bad habbit...look at the word FREE and we will be right there...uff! The good looking young dashing doctor said...."your right eye is getting worse...you cant see 20/20"
Hell with you and your all time Ophthalmology. I was mad and i started rubbing my eyes so hard that it felt like the retina might detach at some point ;). I was cursing this beautiful young lady in my mind and i certainly asked "Mam, can we do a double check?". That was extremely foolish of me to ask such a question. Her mischievous smile was maliciously annoying, however, she agreed. I was struggling to see the blurry line, i pushed myself to look at the smallest letters on the board. I was frenzied by the maniacal insane manufacturer of that ambiguous board and its letters. The doctor was done with me and she asked me to skip to the next step and i thought ALAS! Its not the white board or the manufacturer...its your ambiguous vision dammit. You need SPECS.... :(( oh!

I returned to the lab and told my buddy about all that happened and he said "you are getting old"... :(. Mean people...but again, i am over it and have a smart pair of glasses now and it feels good to see the letters clearly again.

Hellen Keller quotes, "The most pathetic person in this world is someone who has a sight but has no vision" and vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others....So...i am safe!

"Within"

Detachment is a good way of survival. Attachment binds you in feelings, memories, tears and bonds. Last night was a sleepless one out of the few. Yes...sleepless night is not my issue, i sleep tight in good and bad :)...so, i was all happy in my cozy bed, ready to close my eyes with content.

I suddenly see myself in a mirror...trying to wipe my hair with a white towel after a long shower. This is the story with my eyes open and blinking, observing the movement of the ceiling fan in the dim-dark light of the night lamp. I was watching the fan moving and was striving to match my eyeballs with the rotating motion of the blades. For some reason,i was distracted...my concentration was messing up with the flashing image of that mirror,the visible rusty spot at the right bottom corner of that mirror, my long wet hair, that typical white towel with maroon stripes on it and my mom asking me to come for the Sunday morning breakfast. The entire flash was a tableau of all my Sunday mornings at home with my parents, sister and grandparents.I made an effort to come out of the picturesque sense of my emotions and get back to the rotation. Nonetheless...the effort was in vain.

Here is a truthful saying in my native language, Marathi. "Lahaanpan dega deva"....
The three words signify and focus on the time of your life, "childhood". Its a golden time without the worries of income, budgets, jobs, earnings and much much more. I wish i can get back to that stage with my parents, enter back in their rules and regulation's world and take off the responsibilities off my shoulder.

Technically, i have my own house..now...with full authority where i reside on my terms, my rules and my comfort. I have all the luxuries, a contemporary furniture...like the one i always dreamed for, a colorful living....like i always wanted, a magical bedroom...like anyone would love it to be, a small front yard....with bunch of flowers, a minimal backyard.....to see the beautiful sunset with a cup of tea, my own car in the parking space and a official caretaker...just for ME. Doesn't it sound like a dream come true? why not? However, the connubial bliss is not enough to call it a HOME. Its the years you have spent without any power, authority, judging, ordering or anything of this sort, with your nuclear family...the place to reside there with them is what i call HOME.

Many such things kept flashing during all these flying thoughts...being physically apart, i had a bitter feeling of getting unofficially evicted from my own house. No longer am i the core part of that nuclear family of four? Am i still intrinsically "Within" as the very essence of that core???

Symmetry...

I came home after a long day. Rain was pouring in its own rhythm and my nostalgia took me long back in the sweet longings of my mom's "Bhaji's" in the rainy season...thats what are called "Pakora's" in Hindi. Also, that is what the Indian restaurants in US describe as the popular Indian cuisine in which onions/potatoes are dipped in a batter of gram flour and deep-fried. Yes, it is a yummy Indian snack ate with sipping of chai (Indian tea) at times when days are blessed with rains.
So...here it goes...i took a big knife and started cutting the red onions. I cut the onion into 2 halves ....WOW! Interior of this half onion was amazingly beautiful...lol...yes, what else can i do but laugh? Isn't "beautiful onion" a mere rhetoric???...but the adjective is not pretentious or exaggerated...its my sincere thought at a glance. Since i was a kid, i always had this endearing attitude towards symmetry. I am quickly attracted and connected to symmetry in anything, anywhere, everything and everywhere. I think symmetry ties together various aspects... proportionality, balance, perfection and ultimately a beautiful pattern....and that is the reason i was always fond of free-hand drawing. It served a challenge for the center line to be a mirror and for the two halves to be its mirror images...and that too without an ounce of error. The onion reminded me nothing but the free-hand drawing in my elementary class. Yes...Symmetry it is :)

P.E.R.F.E.C.T

Its an unusual Friday night.
Mandar is with his friends and i am in my lab...working on my thesis write up!
The mood swing says...WORK TODAY :)

I was trying to build up some discussion on the Flexural(bending) tests that i had performed on my specimens. Some idiotic result caught me and i was thinking about the trend in the plot. Alas! it was one calculation that went wrong and all the trends just flipped in a moment. Well, that was known a long time after referring to google, yahoo...bla bla bla! Within the process i went ahead and referred a book by Dr. K K. Chawla on mechanical behaviour of materials. I was aiming to browse through the index page and what i see here is a thought...before the index even started...i mean on the previous page where authors usually dedicate there book to someone!

It says,
"We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the secret sits in the middle and knows..."

Those are bunch of true and amazingly real words and i want to insist that the lines are PERFECT...it can be stated that logically they don't have any varying degrees like most, almost, rather, nearly etc...they are "Absolute"!
It is one chance and it walks down to one in a bunch of millions...and that ONE PERSON understands and truly absorbs the meaning of the above lines...something like this...

The secret is in the "MIDDLE" of the ring,
He doesn't have to "SUPPOSE" anything!

He never ASSUMES it to be pragmatic,
He knows the difference between real and dramatic!

Proudly being, at the center of the ring,
World is the diameter, he is the king!

"HE"= Absolute and a complete package
My O Dear,
Its hard to find a defect,
Because he is PERFECT!

Ya right! He doesn't have to intrude in anybody's affairs to solve his queries and get the answers. He knows how to work it out without being meddlesome...isn't it?
I wish i had understood the secret and gotten a chance to push myself into middle of the ring and get the honor of being ABSOLUTELY PERFECT:))...if not anything else, it would have atleast helped me solving the queries related to the wrong calculations and pushed me towards the better understanding of the weird trends in my results ;)